A Head Full Of Plush

I don't know what happened the last days but my mind feels like it's short before bursting. I feel completely depleted, drained and down. Well, I am still able to use alliterations. Too much input makes me mad. I am not relaxed at the university. Not relaxed at home. Tension, tension, tension. There are so many things to do, so many things to fix. And I do not feel like getting anywhere.

This may be related to the fact that I am trying to get rid of some addictive behaviour patterns like playing computer games ( 1 month - no gaming so far) to relax and avoid conflicts. This used to be a very important part of my life so far and I wonder if I am now suffering certain effects of detox. Could be, doesn't have to. At the very moment I am prone to drawbacks regarding to failure and negative responses. It's quite hard to keep the mind straight.

My last shrink was a downer, by the way. She tried to rip more money off me to specify my problems for the insurance. Later I was told that this would be very unusual behaviour since she would be able to ask the insurance for a further financial funding. Another amazing alliteration. Got it? Well, I have to try another one now.

Ignition fires off when you least expect it. Almost on the edge of giving up, at the point of almost all hope being lost, something happens. Something that you instantly know will make all your struggle worth. Something which will make you feel like all the cents you paid will come back to you in big fat euros. Well, maybe the last one was a bit exaggerated but I did have a major self confidence boost this weekend.

On friday I went to a workshop at the local university which was organized by a consulting company, also quite local. This event was sponsored by several high class companies who were trying to recrute high potential human IT-resources because as everybody knows those are sooo very much needed in the future. My workshop was about webdesign which IS my area of expertise and still I thought all these nice companies would search for programmers, not designers and I would be at the wrong place. Well, most of them did. And I certainly was exactly at the spot where I had to be.
The workshop's task was the redesign of a website, we had about 8-10 hours including preparing a presentation, had constant support of the client and every team had 3-4 members. To make it short: Our team won. We were doing so fine that we even impressed the client so much that they are thinking about reusing some of our ideas. Now I got a trophy and a company interested in me. I can put this into my cv. These were two very good days.

Even more because I was called by a distant colleague who offered to include my work in a pitch for a comic book. Since I was not able to send him new references because of the workshop he took old ones. Most probably I will not get the job but being thought of is a very nice feeling.

And I met a bunch of new people. I was even talking to them. And I realized how nice it can be if people either like or dislike you... there is nothing worse than not being paid attention if you want to say something.